Tuesday April 13th - Finding my Inner Cleavage

"Breast cancer survivors are some of the smartest and foxiest women I know. It must be all of that inner cleavage shining through!" Geralyn Lucas

With only 2 days until my double mastectomy, I sit here writing this with total peace and tranquility. I have cried till there are no more tears, pushed through my fears, and come to a place of acceptance and readiness. I have talked to, looked into the eyes of, e-mailed and hugged enough mastectomy survivors now that I know deep in my soul that I will be okay. These women are real, beautiful human beings... your sisters, mothers, co-workers, fellow dancers, waitresses and doctors alike.... who have been brave enough to cut off their breasts to save their lives. And if they can do it, I can do it too. And still be beautiful and sexy and loved.

My inspiration right now is a fabulous book written by Geralyn Lucas, an editorial producer at ABC News' 20/20 program, titled, "Why I wore red lipstick to my Mastectomy". It's an incredible memoir about her experience with breast cancer at the age of 27; how she makes it through a period of fear and uncertainty to discover her own courage and beauty. It's also a Lifetime movie starring Sarah Chalke (Scrubs). Geralyn's website is http://www.whyiworelipstick.com/.

This past weekend attending the LAPD dance event was an experience I'll not soon forget. I'm so glad I made the decision to postpone my surgery until after this event. Of course the doctors said it was safe to wait, and I knew it would be good for me. Not just the dancing, but the love, support, words of encouragement and hugs from so many friends. Barb and Karen did a fundraiser 50/50 raffle for breast cancer research (and HomeAid) raising $2,000 in a 24-hour period... mostly due to DJ Jack Smith volunteering to have his head shaved if we reached the $2,000 mark. (Pictures on Facebook, Jumpin' Jack the Jumpin' Bean!) He is an amazing and wonderful person, as many of you know, and those pics of his bald smiling face will serve as my affirmation that even if I have to someday lose my hair to save my life, I will do it with a smile.

I received literally hundreds of hugs this weekend, and they all meant alot to me. Many friends said the same three words to me, "You'll be fine". I can't hear it enough. Yet, the women who said those words to me (and much more) when it impacted me the most, when it permeated my soul, when I really truly knew I'd be okay, were my breast cancer survivor friends. To Leah, Joan, Dena, Valyn, Maria, and "A", (and Carmen on FB), you are my inspiration and my mentors. Thank you for leading my way.

I am a different person now than I was before my diagnosis. I'm even different than I was two weeks ago. Intense, deeply focused soul-searching does that to ya, I guess! When I first learned of my 4/16 surgery date, about 3 weeks ago, it seemed so far away. Then I started noticing e-mails and TV commercials announcing things happening beyond 4/16... dances, concerts, shows, events... and I began to think of how different my life will be "pre" and "post" surgery. Life does go on, even when I can't participate in it! April 16th has become sort of a re-birth date for me. I know in theory that after a few weeks when I'm all healed, looking back it'll just seem like a bump in the road. But right now it feels alot bigger than that. 4/16 will remain as one of the big life anniversaries I'll always remember... and if I'm careful and smart about it, I'll lump it in with the happy ones, like my children's births, my first competition and my first time doing the US Open. After all, my mastectomy is going to be a huge life-affirming accomplishment, that I plan to be proud of someday.

Details: I go into the breast diagnostic center Friday morning at 9:45, for the injection of the radioactive blue dye for the lymph node mapping. Then around 11:00 they'll shuttle me to Torrance Memorial to be prepared for my 1:00 surgery. It'll take about 6 hours. I should be in recovery from 7-9ish, and hopefully in my room soon after. I hear they don't really enforce visiting hours. My pre-op nurse will be Evelyn Calip. The first thing I want to hear when I wake up from the anesthesia, (besides, "here are some ice chips"), is ... "you have NO cancer in your lymph nodes." I am praying for that to happen.

The doctor said if he checks me out okay I might be able to go home Saturday. If not, then Sunday. It depends on how I'm doing.

So, tomorrow and Thursday I'll do some errands, a little shopping, get a mani-pedi, and get the house ready. The day before I'll pack for the hospital, and I may get a massage. The night before I'll go out to dinner with my family, and maybe dancing at HH if I feel like it. I have my list of items to pack for the hospital... robe, toothbrush, slippers, comb, ipod... and at the top of that list... red lipstick.

With love and healing,
Rhonda